2 planes and 24 hours...

One of the main worries about going travelling on your own is will you meet anyone to talk to? Or will you be talking to yourself the whole time...? I decided to buy myself a glass of champagne at the airport (I'm not posh, they had run out of prosecco...) when I noticed the guy next to me was drinking beer and coffee, a sure fire conversation starter.. It turned out he had just spend New Years in Prague and was trying to stay awake for his flight back to Canada. We nearly missed both our flights, not realising there was a train to the  gate.. Oops! Then I got on the plane and sat next to a lady that had a pink zebra print head cushion.. Hello! That's another sure fire winner in my book. Opening line..'oh, I'm obsessed with zebra print!' She was lovely and like me also had one brother and one nephew and she lived in Miami and gave me some fab advice on where to go and how to get around. So not much talking to myself as yet... I arrived in Lima at 5am this morning and I don't check in for my next flight till 7.30pm so I'm working my way round the restaurants and doing my best hanging out whilst keeping a very close eye on my bags. Had my first embarrassing 'Spanish' conversation. I thought the lady was asking where I was leaving Lima for... But she actually just wanted my table!! Best get the phrase book back out!!! Only 24 hours and 2 more flights to go!! Yes!! 

Grabbing life by the balls

So.... Here I am at Heathrow Airport soon to board a flight to Peru. Exactly 2 years and 16 days ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. 7 months after that I was given the all clear. I am very lucky. Not a day goes by that I don't think about those who haven't been as lucky. Inspired and in awe of their bravery I decided I absolutely must grab life firmly by the balls and live out my dreams (well, most of them anyway...!). So I'm about to embark on a six week adventure on my own to do exactly that. And I thought I might as well blog my face off on the way and keep you updated, seeing as you went through the whole cancer journey with me, this should be much more fun! There have been a few stumbling blocks on the way to this day... The initial indecision (cruise or research trip?? Or both!!??), the cancellation of my Manta Ray research trip (last minute), the logistics of the last minute change of plan and the travel insurance saga (loved the quote for £3,600 !! Actually laughed down the phone)... But I read an analogy on twitter (the font of all knowledge) the other day that I liked. I decided to think of the set backs as if they were an arrow.. They are dragging you back to propel you into something quite spectacular, yeah? Or have I just become a bit too obsessed with the Hunger Games...? So off I go... Where am I going? first up the Galapagos Islands, then the Lares trek up to Machu Picchu, followed by L.A and then a very special cruise around the Caribbean..... What am I searching for..? Well.. I LOVE Manta Rays so they are top of the list as well as Sting Rays, Sharks, the end of the Inca Trail Trek and a few other things ;-) 

Watch this space.... 

See ya x x 

PS: Happy New Year x

Guest blogger Cameron tells his story - How I Learned to Be a Cancer Caregiver

Please welcome Cameron, my guest blogger, who has been in touch as he'd like to share his amazing story through my blog......

My wife Heather was diagnosed with malignant pleural mesothelioma on November 21, 2005. Though I was unprepared to be a caregiver, I was willing and determined to take the challenge for my wife and daughter. Approximately three months prior to the diagnosis, our daughter, Lily, was born. We had been excitedly looking forward to celebrating her first holiday together as a family. Instead, our lives turned to utter chaos as we began a long and difficult battle with cancer.

Upon hearing the diagnosis, Heather was in shock. The doctor laid out several options available for treatment.  There were two hospitals nearby that could treat Heather, but neither of them had a well-developed program for this rare cancer. So, I chose a Boston mesothelioma specialist, Dr. David Sugarbaker.  Heather was too shocked and paralyzed by fear to make a decision, but I knew that if she were to have any chance of beating mesothelioma, she would need the best care available.

We had to learn new ways to live our lives over the following months. My wife had to stop working after the diagnosis, and I could only work part-time in order to be there for my family. I used my time away from work to take care of my daughter, to arrange my wife’s doctor’s appointments, and to arrange travel to Boston for treatments and doctor’s visits. I was overwhelmed on many days.

I did my best to always stay positive, but sometimes I could only picture the worst. I often thought that we would end up broke and homeless fighting the disease.  I often wondered how I could ever get by if I lost my wife, and was left alone to raise Lily by myself. Many days, I would lie in my kitchen floor and cry because I felt helpless. Despite my feelings, I knew I had to remain strong. I never let Heather see me in these weak moments.  I knew I had to be her rock, and that the last thing she needed was to see how scared I truly was.

Help came to us when we truly needed it. We received comforting words and even financial assistance from friends, family, and complete strangers. The job of caregiver is stressful enough, there is no reason you should try to do it alone.  My strongest advice to anyone in a similar situation is to be brave enough to ask for help.  There is no room for pride in a battle with cancer. You should use all the resources provided to you no matter how big or small to help you remain sane and strong in this fight.

After mesothelioma surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy, it took years for our lives to return to normal, but Heather beat the odds and is cancer-free today. During my wife’s cancer battle, I learned to cope with stress, and I learned time management skills. More importantly, I learned the strength that each person has inside them.  Two years after Heather’s diagnosis, I returned to school while working full time, to pursue my dream of earning my college degree. When I graduated, I was chosen to be the graduation speaker of the class. In my speech, I spoke of hope and my wife’s experience.  I talked about how, just a few years earlier, I never could have pictured myself up on that stage.  I told my fellow graduates about the lessons my wife had taught me, that within each of us is the strength to accomplish incredible, unimaginable things, as long as we never give up, and always keep fighting.

 

D-Day and the Jigsaw Puzzle

Celebrating D-Day

On the 16th of December it was the year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis. I like to call this D-Day. It will be a very important day for the rest of my life and one not to be forgotten. It was a crazy year, a bit like a roller coaster, only one where you don't know what to expect or when you will be getting off. I had a little celebration as it could not go unnoticed. My friends jazzed up the pub and it felt a bit like my birthday. It was a brilliant night with a bit of gangnam style dancing and a little speech by me on the microphone at the end of the night to say a big thanks to everyone who has got me through the last year.

A few days later it was our work Christmas party which happened on D-Day last year. I found out just before we were about to give out the secret Santa presents and I had to leave to go up to the hospital to get the results of my biopsy. This year I had a super day and really made up for last year.
 
I've been gradually putting the pieces of my life back together over the last few months, a bit like a jigsaw puzzle. It felt like someone smashed up the puzzle when I was diagnosed and all the pieces went everywhere. It’s been a gradual process but great to get them back together. My flat has gone from a place to be ill to a place to live again. I'm back to work part time. It's so lovely to see everyone and I'm so lucky that I'm well enough to go back. It's also a very surreal experience as, a bit like when you've been on holiday and you go back, you feel like you've never been away. I was sorting through my emails and looked at a few I sent the day before I was diagnosed. It was so strange to see the words I wrote when I had a feeling something was wrong but no idea of the magnitude of what I was about to go through. As important as it is to get my life back it is equally important not to forget everything.
 
It's therefore been a very reflective time recently; I've been looking back a lot and remembering all that I've been through. Luckily I have a tendency to write everything down, not only in my blogs and columns but right down to how I felt every day after each chemo and what I ate when I came out of hospital. This has been very useful to look back on and not forget every detail; and also as a reminder of how lucky I am now that it’s all over. So much has happened from surgery to chemo to more major surgery to the radiotherapy. It's like I've learnt a whole new language and know more than I would have ever wished to know about breast cancer. But now that I do have that knowledge I think it's important to help other people and raise awareness if I can. I'm meeting up with a charity in London in January called "Coppafeel" and I'm hoping to be able to do some voluntary work for them on my weekends. They work with young women raising awareness about breast cancer and checking for lumps.

My hair is now coming back with a vengeance; it’s almost out of control now. I’m not sure whether to go for it and grow it or keep it short for a while. The short style goes with the new me as I do feel like a different person now, with my battle scars. I found out recently that the cancer journey is not over for my family. I was at the hospital with my Grandad when they confirmed that he has prostate cancer. Luckily this is easy to control and has a non invasive treatment. My Grandad is a complete legend; he's 90 and doesn't hear very well. The Doctor said to him "has someone spoken to you about your prostate today?” Gramps replied "no, it's not my birthday today", at which point I thought it best to take over the discussions. Gramps was a Group Captain in the RAF and during the Second World War was so accomplished a pilot that they wouldn't let him go into battle so he was sent to Scotland to train soldiers how to fly planes. He has had an amazing life and still has a bright spark, that night we found out he said "well you've had it and now I've got it!”

So life will continue to slowly return to 'normal', which is great but also very strange. I feel like if I can get through this last year I can get through anything, what ever it is that life throws at me next, we shall see.

The Radiotherapy Roundabout

 
Radiotherapy is a bit like a roundabout. Well it's not really. It just feels a bit like it as you do the same thing every day and you could be just going round and round and round and round a roundabout.
 
It started with a planning session where I had a CT scan so that they could determine and plan the exact dose of radiation required and how it would be delivered. They also took a mould of my boob. This felt very funny, being covered in wax and plaster of Paris. My newly reconstructed boob was wondering what an earth was going on. This created a wax covering that would be used during treatment to ensure the skin got the maximum dose of radiation.
 
I was very lucky as I got to stay down in Exeter during my radiotherapy treatment. I stayed with my wonderful friends Helen and Tom and their beautiful daughter Mila, who is soon to be my God daughter. So instead of a journey backwards and forwards every day, which most people have to make, I was very lucky to get to hang out with them in between treatment in their lovely house. We might have also done a bit of shopping as well... Well it would of been rude not to wouldn't it? Millions of thanks to them for a lovely time during my baking.
 
I had to go in for treatment 15 times all together. Every day, Monday to Friday, for three weeks. The hospital do an amazing job and are extremely lovely and efficient with all the hundreds of patients they see each day. Each day i went in and started by getting dressed in a special gown for breast cancer patients, with poppers down the front and shoulders for ease of access. Then when it was my turn i had to lie on the special bed under the giant photocopier (as I like to call it) and the team line me up in the dark with the lasers so the dose is given to exact precision. It feels like you are in some sort of sci-fi movie. I had to keep very still in a certain position whilst the radiation is given from three different angles. It's a very surreal experience really, about 10 minutes later you're all done and back in the real world thinking, did that really happen? Then in you go again the next day... Until you're all done and finally get off the roundabout.
 
My skin reacted after the first couple of days. But then I don't react well to the sun and get prickly heat so it's no surprise really. Luckily it didn't get to much worse and it now looks like one boob has been on holiday for two weeks without the other one, bit tight really, the other one is feeling left out.
 
Next step is back to work and back to life. I feel very different to how I did a year ago. I also look very different, with my battle scars. I feel like a new person who has been through a lot but who has also learned a lot. I'm extremely lucky that I'm able to return to the real world and also extremely cautious as to how I will cope. We shall see.

No longer a caterpillar - The journey back to life

I found it a very weird time after I got the all clear. It was so amazing and such great news but I didn't feel great at all. In fact I felt awful. I had just got home from hospital after the op and I couldn't move very much and was very sore. I couldn't do anything for myself and I had to deal with the after effects from a 7 hour general anesthetic. I also think that all the feelings that I had blocked out of fear and worry over the last few months came flooding in as if I was finally allowing myself to feel them. I was finally processing everything now that I knew things would be ok. It was very strange.
 
I also had a few problems after the op as i had a seroma which is a common problem where fluid builds up around the wound. This included ending up in A&E where the wound bust open and loads of fluid came out. I didn't enjoy that very much. But my surgeon, Mr Drabble has done an amazing job. He has worked his magic and it looks fab, I'm so pleased with the results and lucky to have been able to have the op.
 
But then things started to get better, the wound finally started to heal properly. I could move around and do a bit more. And my hair started to come back with a vengeance. For months I had felt like how a caterpillar must feel, squirming around all bald and squidgy, desperate to be a butterfly. I finally started to feel like myself again. My eyelashes and eyebrows started to come back and I managed to lose some of the weight I had gained during chemo. I felt like I was coming back to life. What a magical feeling.
 
Some people say you really find out who your friends are when you get cancer and that you can get really let down. I have found quite the opposite. All my family and friends have really pulled it out the bag during the last nine months. They've been there every step of the way and pulled me through the dark times and laughed with me through the good. They've sent me messages constantly and driven round and sat with me when I've needed a cry during chemo. They've bought me presents to cheer me up and given me hugs when I needed them. I feel incredibly lucky to have them all.
 
So the journey back to life continues. It's a very strange feeling. A mixture of joy and of feeling very lost whilst trying to make sense of all that I have been through. Luckily I was well enough to enjoy one of my best friend’s weddings. Congratulations to Katie and Andrew, the new Mr and Mrs Cotton on what was an awesome day filled with love, laughter and inappropriate jokes; all my best things.
 
The next step is radiotherapy, which I'm a week into now.... I wonder what embarrassing things I will end up doing during that? We shall see.

C Ya Later Cancer - Being Completely Blindsided and a Busy Few Weeks



The Big C Festival



 I sat nervously waiting for my breast care nurse as they'd just had a meeting with the specialists about what they had removed during the operation. Karen came in and reported that they'd removed 16 lymph nodes and all the breast tissue and couldn't find any trace of cancer. The chemo has kicked its arse! I was therefore effectively cancer free! I hadn't cried tears of joy for a while, but there were many. I was in shock and completely blind sided. I hadn't expected such good news. Surely they would find something? Surely there would be more bad news? But no. It was amazing news and I just couldn't believe it. I actually couldn't. Even writing it down doesn't seem real as it’s the best news possible and it just doesn't seem true. But it is! All those months of grueling chemo and days feeling like crap have been worthwhile. Result.
 
It's also been a busy few weeks. I went back to work part time for a while. It was great to see everyone and feel like a functioning human again. Then Race for life took place which was an awe inspiring day. Standing there during the warm up surrounded by my team of zebra print clad family and friends I was overwhelmed by emotion. Seeing my name and the names of other loved ones fighting cancer on their backs it really hit me the effect of this terrible disease. I shed a little tear but felt so surrounded by love and so lucky to have such amazing people in my life to share this special day and get me through the last six months. We managed the walk in an hour and ten minutes and so far my team has raised £3295 for Cancer Research UK. Big thanks to Cavie at the Kings Arms in Georgeham who hosted our post race barbeque/party and donated £200 to our cause. I'm so stoked to think that our efforts will go towards research into fighting the Big C.
 
The Big C festival was another incredible day. The festival started to evolve a few months ago when I decided I wanted to organise a fundraiser and knew that Blakey was very kindly up for shaving his beautiful mane. Christian, Katie, Soph and I then met up about 6 weeks before and decided to go for it. We got on the case organising everything and Blakey set up the adventure race.
 
It rained all week leading up to the event. Not just a bit of rain either but proper, taking the piss rain. It was relentless. I had visions of a crammed pub and very soggy bouncy castle. But on the day someone was definitely shining down on us as it turned out to be the sunniest day we'd had in ages. The adventure race in the morning was great, even a few fancy dress costumes made an appearance in the blistering heat! The winning team did the cycle, swim and run course in 1 hour and 40 mins and consisted of the power houses Andrew Cotton, Ian Blake and Rob Sandbach; they won a month of boot camp sessions with Blakey's awesome Bay Fitness club, nice one! They were very closely followed, 18 seconds later.. By Ken Kerslake, Dan Rudman and Charlie Smith. Third place went to Sean Creely, Mat Turner (my lovely big bro!) and Mike Symonds who rocked up just over ten minutes later in awesome fancy dress! Massive well done to everyone who completed the course; an amazing achievement for a great cause.
 
The rest of the day continued to be brilliant. The garden was so packed at one point that people had to leave. The sun shone, great music played. The auction went better than I could of imagined raising £600 and I got slightly to into using the mic.. You couldn't get me off it! Blakey's hair had to be plaited before it could be shaved so that we could donate the hair to a children's cancer charity. We then charged a pound to cut each plait; this proved very popular and raised even more money. Charlotte Shirley did an awesome job of the actual shave and Blakey looks very handsome with a shaved head! The head shave itself raised around £1500, all I can say is wow.
 
The total raised is still rising but was at £4975 at the last count. All for the chemo unit appeal, a great amount for a charity very close to my heart and many others who attended. Massive thanks to all those involved (see below!) especially Christian, Blakey, Katie, Soph, Mum, Dad, Mat, Em, Bex, Chloe, Lisa, Lou, Kelz and Sunny. Special mention also to Andy at the White Lion for being so generous with his donation and hosting the event.
 
The whirl wind of charity fund raising was a welcome distraction and before I knew it I was ready to 'check in' to hospital. I'd been so busy I hadn't really thought about the reality of the op; probably best really. I used a bit of Jack Bauer to distract me the night before and then before I knew it, it was time to go under. I quite enjoyed being wheeled round the hospital to the theatre; I like to pretend its some sort of ride. After a little chat and confirmation that, yes, that is who I am on my arm band, then C ya! Waking up was not quite so much fun. I had to be covered by a bear hugger; which is a bit like a lilo being filled with hot air. This kept me very hot for the first 2 days and promoted the healing process. Luckily I was on a morphine drip as this kept me going through this phase. It wasn't the best 48 hours I've ever had, but it wasn't my worst either. Normal hemoglobin levels are supposed to be around 14 but mine dropped down to 6 as I'd lost so much blood through the op and in the drains. So I had to have a blood transfusion. This involved 2 bags of blood being pumped into me. I felt like I was in a Twilight movie. I wanted to say; sorry I'm a vampire I can't be around all this blood... But that's just how my strange little mind works.

I only vaguely remember Mum and Dad visiting on the evening of the op. I was completely out of it. Although I did manage to give Dad a list of instructions of who to let know what etc. Even in that state I can't help but organise things, which is a bit of a worry. I gradually improved as the days went on. First I was able to use my hands as the various drips came out. Then the drains were removed and I could walk around freely without carrying a little bag of blood drains. Don't get me wrong it's all very essential, but it's not a good look. I ended up staying in hospital slightly longer than expected as I developed an infection and my temp kept spiking at 38. A very small blip considering. Thanks so much to everyone who visited and for all the lovely cards, presents and flowers. Also huge thanks to the Doctors and Nurses on King George V ward (especially Rosie and Sandra). They did a brilliant job with my care; they are lovely and work so incredibly hard.
 
So now I'm home recovering! Getting stronger day by day and feeling incredibly lucky to be living above Mum and Dad and being looked after by them. Thanks Mum and Dad you are amazing. Right, well that's the longest blog I've ever written! I'll shut up now and concentrate on my recovery, C ya.

Ouch

The Big C festival - Special thanks to thanks to the amazing musicians - Melv, Christian, Sam Mayo, Sam Dowden, the White Lion Choir, Katie, Soph, Amy, Si, Jay, The Rockets and Pete's Gone Straight Edge!
And the local businesses who kindly donated to the auction and raffle: Get Wet Surf School, Ross, Bay Spas, Bay Joinery, Bay Fitness, Tiki, Kittiwell House, Devon Brewing Co, Hands On, Blue Groove, Kendra Pilates, Riverside, Aloe Vera Direct, Bright and Breezy Cleaning, Andrew Cotton Inc, Sirena Silver, the White Lion, Kenny Wells, Jon the Potter, Kittiwakes, The Rock Inn, Surfing Croyde Bay, The Corner Bistro, Second Skin, Gulfstream, Surfed Out.

The Bear Hugger