Thursday 15 March 2012

The Un-Natural War: White Warriors Vs Chemo Warriors

There is an un-natural war raging inside my body apparently. This is how my lovely nurse described chemo. I thought this was a really interesting way to describe it so here is my version.. The toxic chemo drugs are injected into my veins and they are very cleverly designed to target and kill any remaining abnormal cancer (c) cells. C cells don't die like normal cells you see, the nasty bastards. When they get together in gangs they form tumors, mine was removed during my op but there could be c cells remaining. The chemo warriors, as I like to call them, surge around my body, through my blood stream, attacking and hopefully killing the nasty c cells. Meanwhile my white blood cells (the white warriors) go on the defensive. They are not a fan of the chemo warriors as although they are doing a great job killing the c cells they are also killing the good, white cells too. The white warriors don't like that so they attack! The chemo warriors are more powerful though and unfortunately many white warriors die :-( But it is all for the eventual good so we don't mind :-) This is why my white blood count is low during days 7-14 of the chemo cycle; I'm prone to infection and have to steer clear of bugs (as I have very few white warriors to fight them off). The white warriors then have time to gather more troops in preparation for the next battle (i.e. white blood cells are clever enough to reproduce and build up for the next chemo battle) . Eventually after all the battles the c cells will be dead and the chemo warriors will hopefully win! Fingers crossed for the chemo warriors!
 
Chemo is also a physical and mental battle. I've completed two out of the six treatments now so nearly half way there. I’m not going to lie It can be tough. There are times when you feel sick and you stare at an unfamiliar bald face in the mirror and think jeez, I look like shit, I feel like shit and I am seriously ill. But then a few days later you can sit up a bit more and you can have a few visitors and you feel almost human again. The side effects aren’t pleasant but they are manageable. There are drugs to manage them all; if you shook me I would rattle! It's like juggling potions, one to counter act the other (if only it was exciting potions like in Harry Potter!). One of the hardest things is getting your head around the fact that the chemo is going to make you better. It makes you feel ill but actually it is the only thing that will hopefully make you well again.
 
So these are my latest conflicts. The hardest I will ever fight and that I (with the help of the chemo warriors) intend to win.
 
Thank you to everyone who supports me every day, most especially those who've helped in the dark days x you know who you are x I love you very much x x
 

(NB: once again I must say that I'm not a medical professional and details above may only be relevant to my situation x).