Guest blogger Cameron tells his story - How I Learned to Be a Cancer Caregiver

Please welcome Cameron, my guest blogger, who has been in touch as he'd like to share his amazing story through my blog......

My wife Heather was diagnosed with malignant pleural mesothelioma on November 21, 2005. Though I was unprepared to be a caregiver, I was willing and determined to take the challenge for my wife and daughter. Approximately three months prior to the diagnosis, our daughter, Lily, was born. We had been excitedly looking forward to celebrating her first holiday together as a family. Instead, our lives turned to utter chaos as we began a long and difficult battle with cancer.

Upon hearing the diagnosis, Heather was in shock. The doctor laid out several options available for treatment.  There were two hospitals nearby that could treat Heather, but neither of them had a well-developed program for this rare cancer. So, I chose a Boston mesothelioma specialist, Dr. David Sugarbaker.  Heather was too shocked and paralyzed by fear to make a decision, but I knew that if she were to have any chance of beating mesothelioma, she would need the best care available.

We had to learn new ways to live our lives over the following months. My wife had to stop working after the diagnosis, and I could only work part-time in order to be there for my family. I used my time away from work to take care of my daughter, to arrange my wife’s doctor’s appointments, and to arrange travel to Boston for treatments and doctor’s visits. I was overwhelmed on many days.

I did my best to always stay positive, but sometimes I could only picture the worst. I often thought that we would end up broke and homeless fighting the disease.  I often wondered how I could ever get by if I lost my wife, and was left alone to raise Lily by myself. Many days, I would lie in my kitchen floor and cry because I felt helpless. Despite my feelings, I knew I had to remain strong. I never let Heather see me in these weak moments.  I knew I had to be her rock, and that the last thing she needed was to see how scared I truly was.

Help came to us when we truly needed it. We received comforting words and even financial assistance from friends, family, and complete strangers. The job of caregiver is stressful enough, there is no reason you should try to do it alone.  My strongest advice to anyone in a similar situation is to be brave enough to ask for help.  There is no room for pride in a battle with cancer. You should use all the resources provided to you no matter how big or small to help you remain sane and strong in this fight.

After mesothelioma surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy, it took years for our lives to return to normal, but Heather beat the odds and is cancer-free today. During my wife’s cancer battle, I learned to cope with stress, and I learned time management skills. More importantly, I learned the strength that each person has inside them.  Two years after Heather’s diagnosis, I returned to school while working full time, to pursue my dream of earning my college degree. When I graduated, I was chosen to be the graduation speaker of the class. In my speech, I spoke of hope and my wife’s experience.  I talked about how, just a few years earlier, I never could have pictured myself up on that stage.  I told my fellow graduates about the lessons my wife had taught me, that within each of us is the strength to accomplish incredible, unimaginable things, as long as we never give up, and always keep fighting.

 

D-Day and the Jigsaw Puzzle

Celebrating D-Day

On the 16th of December it was the year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis. I like to call this D-Day. It will be a very important day for the rest of my life and one not to be forgotten. It was a crazy year, a bit like a roller coaster, only one where you don't know what to expect or when you will be getting off. I had a little celebration as it could not go unnoticed. My friends jazzed up the pub and it felt a bit like my birthday. It was a brilliant night with a bit of gangnam style dancing and a little speech by me on the microphone at the end of the night to say a big thanks to everyone who has got me through the last year.

A few days later it was our work Christmas party which happened on D-Day last year. I found out just before we were about to give out the secret Santa presents and I had to leave to go up to the hospital to get the results of my biopsy. This year I had a super day and really made up for last year.
 
I've been gradually putting the pieces of my life back together over the last few months, a bit like a jigsaw puzzle. It felt like someone smashed up the puzzle when I was diagnosed and all the pieces went everywhere. It’s been a gradual process but great to get them back together. My flat has gone from a place to be ill to a place to live again. I'm back to work part time. It's so lovely to see everyone and I'm so lucky that I'm well enough to go back. It's also a very surreal experience as, a bit like when you've been on holiday and you go back, you feel like you've never been away. I was sorting through my emails and looked at a few I sent the day before I was diagnosed. It was so strange to see the words I wrote when I had a feeling something was wrong but no idea of the magnitude of what I was about to go through. As important as it is to get my life back it is equally important not to forget everything.
 
It's therefore been a very reflective time recently; I've been looking back a lot and remembering all that I've been through. Luckily I have a tendency to write everything down, not only in my blogs and columns but right down to how I felt every day after each chemo and what I ate when I came out of hospital. This has been very useful to look back on and not forget every detail; and also as a reminder of how lucky I am now that it’s all over. So much has happened from surgery to chemo to more major surgery to the radiotherapy. It's like I've learnt a whole new language and know more than I would have ever wished to know about breast cancer. But now that I do have that knowledge I think it's important to help other people and raise awareness if I can. I'm meeting up with a charity in London in January called "Coppafeel" and I'm hoping to be able to do some voluntary work for them on my weekends. They work with young women raising awareness about breast cancer and checking for lumps.

My hair is now coming back with a vengeance; it’s almost out of control now. I’m not sure whether to go for it and grow it or keep it short for a while. The short style goes with the new me as I do feel like a different person now, with my battle scars. I found out recently that the cancer journey is not over for my family. I was at the hospital with my Grandad when they confirmed that he has prostate cancer. Luckily this is easy to control and has a non invasive treatment. My Grandad is a complete legend; he's 90 and doesn't hear very well. The Doctor said to him "has someone spoken to you about your prostate today?” Gramps replied "no, it's not my birthday today", at which point I thought it best to take over the discussions. Gramps was a Group Captain in the RAF and during the Second World War was so accomplished a pilot that they wouldn't let him go into battle so he was sent to Scotland to train soldiers how to fly planes. He has had an amazing life and still has a bright spark, that night we found out he said "well you've had it and now I've got it!”

So life will continue to slowly return to 'normal', which is great but also very strange. I feel like if I can get through this last year I can get through anything, what ever it is that life throws at me next, we shall see.